Trading My Sorrows

Written Friday 7-30-2010

My delightful daughter loves to sing. I love to sing. I am so happy that I have passed that on to her. She has been filling my heart with joy lately because she has been singing the song, Trading My Sorrows by Darrell Evans almost all the time. This is one of my favorite songs. But most importantly it has extremely significant meaning to me. I have included the words below.

Trading My Sorrows by Darrell Evans

I’m trading my sorrows
I’m trading my shame
I’m laying them down for the joy of the Lord

I’m trading my sickness
I’m trading my pain
I’m laying them down for the joy of the Lord

And we say yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord Amen

I’m pressed but not crushed persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I’m blessed beyond the curse for His promise will endure
For His joy’s is gonna be my strength

Though the sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes with the morning

I was first introduced to this song in 1999. That fall I was starting to get very sick. At first I noticed that I could no longer run. I ran cross country in high school and had run on and off throughout college. It was the strangest thing. I would start running (as a workout) and I found that my body just could not do it anymore. It would hurt (which is not uncommon with running) but more so I did not have the energy to do it. I couldn’t get my body to go and keep going. I then started having widespread body pain, extreme fatigue, headaches, heart palpitations, and a very weak immune system. I worked with the youth at my church and I found that I just could not handle slumber parties or all night events anymore. I was only 22 years old. My family doctor sent me to several specialists and we eventually found out that I had Fibromyalgia. I was so sick the spring of 2000 that I could barely get out of bed. I would walk from my bedroom to the living room and have to lay down on the couch to rest. I dropped around 40 pounds because I did not have the energy to prepare food much less go to the grocery store.

I was a student at Taylor University at this time. I had to drop down to part-time and I still received incompletes in a couple of my classes. I could not function. I was so incredibly weak. My heart was so very weary. I felt betrayed by my body. I felt like a weak person, a person of weak character. Why couldn’t I just muster up the energy to function? I was struggling with depression as well. Not only did my body hurt physically but my heart hurt emotionally as well.

At Taylor we had chapel services every Monday Wednesday and Friday. Trading My Sorrows was a song that we sang frequently. I remember belting out those words as a declaration to the world; I Carly am trading my sickness and pain for the joy of the Lord. I would tell myself over and over again (trying to convince myself); I trade this damn Fibromyalgia for the joy of the Lord. I would hold up my hands to God in submission saying yes Lord. I was saying yes Lord I choose your plan for my life even though I don’t understand it and I certainly don’t like it. I remember clinging to the words, “I am pressed but not crushed persecuted not abandoned struck down but not destroyed….His promise will endure….His joy’s gonna be my strength. Though the sorrow may last for the night his joy comes with the morning.” Man, did I ever need strength. This song became like a mantra that I sang to myself every day.

And now it is July 2010. I have been struggling with this particular (very nasty) bought of depression since February 2009. Once again this song has helped me through a very difficult time. I think the reason Vienna loves this song is because I frequently blast it in the car and belt out the words with passion and urgency in my voice. I am once again claiming the words of this song as truth in my life. I am choosing (I have to choose every day) joy instead of sorrow, shame, sickness and pain. I am reminding myself that I am struck down but not destroyed! I believe that God’s promise of strength and joy in the morning (each day is a new day) is true. I believe that this promise is unfailing and will truly endure through all the hardships I am faced with. I am trusting, believing and claiming God’s promise that joy does come in the morning. I choose to believe that if I choose joy that it will be strength to me. And you know what? God’s joy has given me so much strength. There is no way that I would have made it through this past year without God. Seriously, I am not sure I would be alive. That is how terrible this depression has been. I have felt so utterly hopeless and have been in so much devastating pain that I would have given up without Jesus, my husband and delightful daughter. Thank you Lord Jesus for giving me strength. Thank you Lord for loving me unconditionally and for never ever giving up on me. I am so very grateful.

Thank you sweet delightful Vienna for blessing me with your beautiful but very out of tune voice. I love it when you sing this powerful and uplifting song. I love you my daughter.

I love you my Lord. And God, I love your words of truth.

Once again I sing with all my heart...

I’m trading my sorrows
I’m trading my shame
I’m laying them down for the joy of the Lord

I’m trading my sickness
I’m trading my pain
I’m laying them down for the joy of the Lord

And we say yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord Amen

I’m pressed but not crushed persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I’m blessed beyond the curse for His promise will endure
For His joy’s is gonna be my strength

Though the sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes with the morning