Feels Like Home Again

I saw my psychiatrist today (Thursday). I took Nate and V with me. I wanted Nate to give my doc his perspective on how I am doing and on how he thinks certain medications have worked through the years. My memory has been very poor lately so I do not always remember how I did with the medications we have tried in the past. We are back to making a Carly cocktail so to speak. I take Wellbutrin and we have recently added Klonopin for anxiety. And now we are looking for something else to get the depression and anxiety back under control. Today he prescribed a low dose of Pamelor which is one of the very old tricyclic antidepressants. The goal is to eventually go off the Klonopin because it can be habit forming. That does not always happen but it can. Plus I would like to take as little medicine as possible while still getting the “no more depression” job done.

I saw my psychiatrist one week ago today. At that appointment I cried the entire half hour. Today I made it through with no tears. Yay that is improvement. Last Wednesday I saw my OBGYN and I cried through that entire appointment. She was so worried about me. I am happy to report that the constant crying has come to an end. I was beginning to wonder if I had any tears left and I was definitely dehydrated.

It is so nice to have my family home. My daughter is just delightful. She walked in the door yelling “Mommy, Mommy” and was wearing my favorite outfit of hers. It is a purple tie-dye dress with purple leggings and purple flats with a bow on them. So just looking at her makes me smile. Purple is my favorite color and I adore tie-dye. Yes I am almost 34 years old and I still love tie-dye. I have tie-dye shorts, a shirt and a hooded sweatshirt that I wear almost every day in the winter.

Back to my family, V has become so vocal and SO bossy. When I talked to Nate on the phone last night about whether I should go to urgent care for my foot V got on the phone and said “Mommy go to the doctor. I love you. Go to the doctor.” She is so adorable. She is very curious about my crutches and wants to know why I am hopping around. She also wants to help me in any way that she can. It is so sweet. If I need something she jumps up and offers to get it for me.

Having my hubby home just feels so good. It is like home was not quite home without him. I missed his hugs, smile, cuddles and so much more. I am so happy that I am feeling more emotionally stable so that I am not such a burden to him. Granted I now need a great deal of help due to my sprained ankle but at least it is something new.

I am surprised how much my foot hurts. Moving around is such a challenge. I am thankful that my man is home to fetch me water, food, books, and the TV clicker. I feel like I am being lazy and demanding but it really does hurt. I cannot imagine trying to hobble around on crutches and prepare a meal right now. I am hoping that I am much better by Monday.

I have a big day on Monday. I start the intensive out-patient (partial hospitalization) program at Sparrow (St. Lawrence campus) for my depression. I really don’t want my foot to interfere with the progress that I NEED to make in that program.

I am so ready to be done fighting this fight. Depression go away! I am tired of you and it is time for you to leave. And by the way…you are not welcome to come back either.