Today has been really tough. I have cried at least four different times. I don’t understand the way I feel. I don’t understand why I am still struggling. I just can’t seem to handle even the slightest bit of stress. Life is full of stress so something is going to have to change. Sometimes I feel like I am losing my mind. I hate that.
It is one thing to spend the day at a program that focuses on getting healthy emotionally and mentally and have a really good day. It is totally different to be at home with all of life’s responsibilities, a challenging 3 year-old and I wonderful husband that I feel like I am constantly letting down. I pray and try to keep my thoughts positive and sane and for some reason I am STILL having such a hard time functioning. I don’t understand it. I cannot seem to function in the “real world”.
My depression and my anxiety seem to consume all of me and as hard as I try I can’t seem to break free from it. I just want to be normal and sane. I don’t need to be happy or fabulous. I just don’t want to feel overwhelmed and like I am “losing it” all of the time.
Tomorrow is another day. I sure hope I feel better. I hope I can control my emotions and thoughts better. I think I will focus on all I have to be thankful for.
Happy List (I am so grateful for……)
391. My wonderful hubby and daughter
392. Jesus is always with me
393. Feeling good on Friday
394. Got some info on Fibromyalgia and Adult Children of Alcoholics support groups
395. God is AWESOME
396. I am healing (not as quickly as I would like but I am healing)
397. I am not suicidal (there are many people who are and it breaks my heart!)
398. This world (earth) is not my final destination. I have heaven to look forward too.
399. My parents truly love me
400. WOW I have 400 things I am grateful for (granted some have been repeats)
401. Nurse G
402. I am not afraid to ask for help with my depression.
403. I felt full of joy on Friday
404. My blog has been helpful to other people
405. V gives great hugs and kisses
406. Laughter
407. Forgiveness
408. Rebecca
409. V’s adorable friends
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A note to my family and friends; this is a journal of my battle with depression. It is raw, it is real, and it may be hard to read at times. But this is all a part of my healing. It is powerful and therapeutic to have an outlet, and if God can use my heartbreak and struggles, how worth it this will be! If you feel led to walk this journey with me, please do. But please don't pick apart what I have said in the midst of a dark day, and use it against me. This is intended to be a source of processing the dark, while seeking the Light. If you are able to understand that, please join me on this journey back to health. Also note that I have no desire to hurt myself. My truest desire is to simply feel better.
A note to my family and friends; this is a journal of my battle with depression. It is raw, it is real, and it may be hard to read at times. But this is all a part of my healing. It is powerful and therapeutic to have an outlet, and if God can use my heartbreak and struggles, how worth it this will be! If you feel led to walk this journey with me, please do. But please don't pick apart what I have said in the midst of a dark day, and use it against me. This is intended to be a source of processing the dark, while seeking the Light. If you are able to understand that, please join me on this journey back to health. Also note that I have no desire to hurt myself. My truest desire is to simply feel better.
- Carly
- I am a 33 year old stay at home mom. I have a very supportive husband. I have been dealing with depression for half my life and have been on medication for 14 years. The meds are no longer working. My diagnosis is major reoccurring treatment resistant depressive disorder. I am desperate to feel better. Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. I believe He is all powerful and mighty but I often don't understand how my depression fits into His plan. I want to have hope but I am feeling hopeless.
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