A note to my family and friends; this is a journal of my battle with depression. It is raw, it is real, and it may be hard to read at times. But this is all a part of my healing. It is powerful and therapeutic to have an outlet, and if God can use my heartbreak and struggles, how worth it this will be! If you feel led to walk this journey with me, please do. But please don't pick apart what I have said in the midst of a dark day, and use it against me. This is intended to be a source of processing the dark, while seeking the Light. If you are able to understand that, please join me on this journey back to health. Also note that I have no desire to hurt myself. My truest desire is to simply feel better.


Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Chill Out!

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkk, I am totally having an anxiety evening. Nate told me I needed to go take my anxiety medicine (lovingly of course). I am extremely intense. I am trying to work on all the paper work for my disability claim and it is so stressful. I think they make it hard on purpose to try to weed out the people who really seriously need assistance. The problem is that part of my disability is anxiety. So I am going to need some major help. I have my hubby. Also my wonderful counselor has set me up with one of his students. She can get credit for her time spent helping me. I can hardly sit still and it is 9:42 pm. This is not good. I need to chill out.

Ok…breathe in…..breath out…. In…..out….in ……out........

Well, I still don’t feel better but I will continue trying to calm down. I think I will go do some relaxation exercises or something.

I am really freaked out about this whole disability thing. REALLY FREAKED OUT! I feel like I am giving up and giving in to the depression. I don’t want to do that. But….we really need the financial help. Nate is a wonderful hard working provider. But we need help with all the medical bills for me and for child-care since I am not working and am not able to watch to care for my daughter right now. Depression sucks!

Ok….it is 10:29 now. I have been working on those darn forms. I am still totally stressed so I MUST go relax and go to bed.
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1 comment:

  1. UnknownSeptember 15, 2010 at 9:11 AM

    I hope you were able to sleep alright last night. I actually woke myself up early today, I kept having dreams that my clock read 10:45 and that I had slept in WAY too late. When I did wake, it was only 8:30. It's strange how we can scare ourselves over nothing.

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