A note to my family and friends; this is a journal of my battle with depression. It is raw, it is real, and it may be hard to read at times. But this is all a part of my healing. It is powerful and therapeutic to have an outlet, and if God can use my heartbreak and struggles, how worth it this will be! If you feel led to walk this journey with me, please do. But please don't pick apart what I have said in the midst of a dark day, and use it against me. This is intended to be a source of processing the dark, while seeking the Light. If you are able to understand that, please join me on this journey back to health. Also note that I have no desire to hurt myself. My truest desire is to simply feel better.


Monday, July 26, 2010

Yay For Today

I am choosing to feel good today. I have to keep choosing it every half hour or so but I am STILL choosing it. V is with her grandparents today. I think I let myself fall apart on these days. I have been crying most of the day. But I am choosing to feel good. I choose joy!

After talking with my friend Emily today I have decided that I need to keep a new list on the refrigerator. It is called The YAY List (the I Did It List). I seem to focus so much on what needs to be done that I am missing all that I am doing. It is interesting; when I was severely depressed I let myself be ok with simply getting out of bed. Now that I am feeling better (but not totally better) I feel like I need to be able to do it all. I seem to have forgotten about baby steps. I just want to be ALL better now. Right now.

The YAY For Today List
1. I walked Jenny-Do at the Dog Park for an hour.
2. I exercised for an hour!
3. I called my friend Emily (I reached out when I was struggling, yay Carly).
4. I prayed (at ton).
5. I edited and published my blog from last night.
6. I wrote a friend an encouragement note that I have been meaning to do for a couple of weeks.
7. I sent out congratulations cards to my friend and cousin who recently had babies. Finally.
8. I ate some good food.
9. I showered (it has been two days).
10. I put makeup on and got dressed up for my sexy hubby. It is date night.
11. I made makeup for Vienna to play with. (I took some my old makeup containers and completely cleaned them out. Then I put pink, purple, red and cream nail polish in them to dry and become play makeup.) Yay Carly. I have been meaning to do this for a long time.
12. I ordered new vitamin supplements.
13. I made Vienna’s bed.
14. I made my bed.
15. I cleaned the dog after the long walk.
16. I planned out (in my mind) how I can better organize V’s room.
17. I did the dishes.
18. I did a load of laundry.
19. I picked up everything off the floor in the living room and kitchen.
20. Now I am going to go on a date with my wonderful hubby.

So even though I had many more things that I wanted to do today. I would say that I have accomplished a lot. Yay Carly.

1 comment:

  1. Your YAY list was long yesterday (I love the makeup idea for V!)--It is so awesome to see you getting better every time we talk! I know it doesn't seem obviously better to you, but since I don't get to talk w/ you on a daily basis, I do "see"it!! Btw, I brushed my teeth yesterday (at about 5pm just before hubby got home). ;)

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