No More Crabby

I have not made a Happy List in a while. It is long overdue.

262. We have our new tent up in the back yard.
263. We are going camping next week with some truly wonderful friends.
264. Vienna and I had fun shopping today.
265. We found some great clothes for her for $.25 at a garage sale.
266. We had a picnic at the park and walked Jenny-Dog on the trails.
267. Tomorrow is church:)
268. My friend Sara and I had a wonderful afternoon together Friday at the new farmers market in Lansing.

I am having a bit of a crabby day. I really don’t want to be that way but I can’t quite seem to snap fully out of it. Vienna woke up super early and I was so tired. I am finding that lack of sleep REALLY affects my mood/depression. I have known that it increases my Fibromyalgia pain and that it can make me crabby but also really affects my depression. The problem is that lack of sleep for me is when I don’t get ten hours of sleep. How in the world am I supposed to swing that? I usually try to nap for two and then try to get eight at night. However, Vienna is very close to being done with naps. I have talked with my doctors about this a great deal and unfortunately they have said that I must need that much sleep. Ugggg. It is so hard to have quality time with Vienna, quality time with Nate, keep the house somewhat picked up, spend time with God, journal, stretch, do relaxation exercises, cook, grocery shop, have a social life, exercise and get the many tasks of life done. I can’t seem to fit it all in. Usually the house does not get cleaned, we cook quick easy (not as healthy) meals if we cook at all and time with Nate gets cut short. I don’t journal as much as I would like either. I suppose I will figure it out one day. I am continuing to learn about how to live my life as normal as possible with the many physical limitations that I have.

I have a friend who is training for a half marathon. I am jealous. I miss running! When I was doing my relaxation exercises yesterday I was visualizing myself running. There is a theory that if you remember a time when you were healthy it can help your present health. It is called “remembered health”. I was visualizing running through a cool wooded area. I felt so strong, confident and healthy. I loved feeling physically strong. Now I get sore just by going for a 30 minute walk. I am totally not in shape. That is due to not being able to exercise very much, poor eating habits and my addiction to sugar. When I used to do more aerobic exercise the exercise seemed to curb my sugar cravings. Anyway I miss running. I miss kick boxing, Tae bo and Curves. I am hoping that one day I will be able to do more than walking.

I started to fall apart a bit this morning. I felt really yucky and frazzled by 8 am. I held back tears so that I could care for Vienna. As soon as Nate got up I went and cried. I was so frustrated with how I felt. I did not want to feel crabby and unstable. I wanted to get in the shower and escape to relaxation exercises but Vienna was having a meltdown about wanting me. All she wanted was me. Then I felt guilty. Mommy guilt is so easy to fall into. But if we let our moms fall into feeling guilty we will feel guilty all the time. There is always more to do with our children and they will always want more of us (at least at this age). So I finally escaped to my shower. It felt great. I did the mini relaxation exercise chanting the words; “I relax. I let go. I am still and I know that you are God.” The idea is to relax and let go off the stress and focus how God is good, faithful, and in control.

My therapist gave me some information on a technique to dull emotional pain. Supposedly if we engage both the right and left brain one cannot hold onto emotional pain. It is some sort of tapping technique. I have not finished reading all of the information but I am very eager to do so. What I have read is that you tap on specific areas on your body when you are stressed, upset or in pain. I was trying that this morning too. I think it may have helped. I need to finish reading the information. I am excited that may have a quick somewhat easy method to help me get my emotions under control.

I hate being crabby. Crabbiness go away and don’t come again another day. I am determined to NOT be crabby tomorrow. I am going to enjoy my husband and daughter!