So Proud

7-6-10


I was just writing about the horrifying nightmares I have been having lately. They must be too horrible to record because the computer shut off by itself before I saved what I was writing. Interesting. I feel like I need to get the upsetting images out of my mind. I feel so betrayed by them. How dare they enter my mind while I am sleeping? But I suppose I don’t need a record of the yucky images.

So today is another day. I would love to say the day has started out better and that I am all better today. But so far I have been reeling from the terrible dreams that I had. I am trying to process them and then get rid of the images FOREVER! I don’t know why I have such vivid dreams. They are often too horrible to speak of.

God is so good to me. He wants me to have a good day. My favorite worship song just came on the radio.

“We stand and lift up our hands for the joy of the Lord is our strength. We bow down and worship Him now, how great, how awesome is He….Holy is the Lord God almighty. The earth is filled with His glory.”

7-7-10

I am really proud of myself. Yesterday did not start well. But I realized I was not doing well and I decided that the best thing for me to do was go to a movie. For some reason movies are very therapeutic for me. Then after the movie I picked up V from daycare and we went to Hawk Island. Hawk Island is a park that has a man-made lake. I was still feeling tired and emotionally drained but I really wanted to be with my daughter. Swimming is something that I could do with her without having to use much emotional energy. We had a really nice time. I felt good after that. Not great but good. I felt good enough to let my wonderful man relax while I put V to bed. After that I walked the dog. I was very tired but again I wanted Nate to be able to relax. By that time I was very tired but I was feeling good. I made another really good decision when I called my friend during the walk. She is an old friend from middle school. We had not talked since our senior year of high school. Then she looked me up after I had my daughter. Anyway we picked right up where we left off and talking to her is so refreshing. Plus we laugh a lot when we talk and laughter is so good for me (for everyone). I felt pretty great after chatting with my friend. I was at peace and was feeling like I could handle life. Then before bed I chatted with another old friend from college. She is going through a very difficult time. I was feeling healthy and positive. So much so that I was able to encourage her and offer her some hope. Then I had a really awesome time of prayer before I went to bed. I am really proud of myself. I made really good decisions for my mental health yesterday. Yay Carly.

Today was a good day. Parts of it were great. Yay…hip-hip-hurray. I had many friends who prayed for me yesterday. Thank you friends. God heard the many prayers and I did not have nightmares last night. YAY!

I went to therapy and then had lunch with a beloved old friend from middle and high school. She lives in New York so I do not get to see her often. I adore her. It was fabulous catching up, sharing our honest feelings and laughing. It was so great to see her! Friends are such an amazing blessing. I also really enjoyed church this evening. We had a good time of worship. The Scripture that we read was extremely encouraging and I played water balloon games with the kids. God is good, life is good and my friends are awesome!