Let Tomorrow Come

I wish that today was over. I can’t fall asleep. I am anxious and just plain feeling depressed. I am so ready to go to sleep so that tomorrow will come quickly and this day will be over. The depression was thick and heavy today. I felt like I had this heaviness on me all day, like there was a thick grey cloud looming over me and pressing down on me. Tears were the only thing that came easily today. Everything else seemed so hard and so overwhelming. The simplest tasks like shopping, laundry, and cleaning up one room of the house nearly knocked me out. I felt like I was in a boxing ring and the final knock-out punch was thrown at me and I was down for the count, unable to recover from such a mighty blow. But the blow was really only a couple simple tasks that were just too much for me to handle. I could have easily spent the whole day in bed. But I made myself get up and go out to do some shopping.

It is so hard for my wonderful loving husband to see me this way. He wants to fix it and take the pain away. My parents do too. I would want to make it all better if it were my man or daughter suffering. Unfortunately, other people cannot make this better for me.

I started ECT treatments last week. They are not super easy to go through. There is a lot involved in making them happen. I sure hope they help. The doctor is very optimistic and thinks that they will really help get me feeling 100%. I cannot even imagine feeling 100%. It has been so long since I felt that way.