I feel so miserable right now. Why can’t I get better? Why can’t I get over this? What is wrong with me? I know this is a medical condition but I still feel this way. I think I would rather something physical to deal with. I feel weak and out of control.
I wonder why my husband would want to stay with me. I know he loves me but I feel like I have nothing to give him. I haven’t been able to keep the house clean, I am so emotional all the time and when he comes home I pretty much crash for the night. He has made so many sacrifices for me. I just don’t feel like I am worth it. He doesn’t feel that way but right now I do. Even when I am not depressed I still have fibromyalgia and am limited in what I can do. I hope one day I can serve him the way he has served me.
I feel like I am lazy. I have such a hard time getting going. I could have gotten work done today but I just watched movies instead. I was feeling really numb earlier today. I am not sure what is better, being numb or crying all the time.
I’d like to right more but I just don’t have the energy.
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A note to my family and friends; this is a journal of my battle with depression. It is raw, it is real, and it may be hard to read at times. But this is all a part of my healing. It is powerful and therapeutic to have an outlet, and if God can use my heartbreak and struggles, how worth it this will be! If you feel led to walk this journey with me, please do. But please don't pick apart what I have said in the midst of a dark day, and use it against me. This is intended to be a source of processing the dark, while seeking the Light. If you are able to understand that, please join me on this journey back to health. Also note that I have no desire to hurt myself. My truest desire is to simply feel better.
A note to my family and friends; this is a journal of my battle with depression. It is raw, it is real, and it may be hard to read at times. But this is all a part of my healing. It is powerful and therapeutic to have an outlet, and if God can use my heartbreak and struggles, how worth it this will be! If you feel led to walk this journey with me, please do. But please don't pick apart what I have said in the midst of a dark day, and use it against me. This is intended to be a source of processing the dark, while seeking the Light. If you are able to understand that, please join me on this journey back to health. Also note that I have no desire to hurt myself. My truest desire is to simply feel better.
- Carly
- I am a 33 year old stay at home mom. I have a very supportive husband. I have been dealing with depression for half my life and have been on medication for 14 years. The meds are no longer working. My diagnosis is major reoccurring treatment resistant depressive disorder. I am desperate to feel better. Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. I believe He is all powerful and mighty but I often don't understand how my depression fits into His plan. I want to have hope but I am feeling hopeless.
carly darling,
ReplyDeleteI went to camp with you way back when and I know the core of who you are. Depression is such a scary thing, but bravo to you fighting! You are courageous and you are taking the first big steps in speaking out about it. You can do it for you and your daughter! Please don't be embarrassed or ashamed. You are helping lots of people!
I have struggled with depression since the death of my son and part of my healing has been knowing that I am not alone in my battle. Jesus is with me and He is with you always!
Bridget