I Want Out Of The Pit

If anyone is just starting to read this blog and is wondering what the Happy/Grateful List is I will fill you in; it is a list of things and people that I am grateful for and that make me happy.

Happy/Grateful List continued
82. Vienna and I got to see our delightful friends the day before yesterday.
83. I have gotten some cleaning done today.
84. The sun is shining.
85. I visited with Nate over his lunch hour both yesterday and today.
86. V pooped in the potty twice yesterday.
87. Almost all of the laundry is done.
88. I had a wonderful time visiting with my friend Sara today.
89. I drank yummy vanilla coffee this morning.
90. Worship was uplifting and rejuvenating last night.
91. It is almost the weekend which means lots of time with my hubby and daughter.
92. V gives the best kisses right smack on the lips.

I find it interesting how quickly my days go. Time really flies by. My goals for each day include;
1. Walking for at least 45 minutes
2. Reading my Bible
3. Doing some sort of relaxation exercise
4. Journal

I also want to do some cleaning every day. I have been trouble getting everything done. I think part of the problem is that I have been extremely tired. Depression is very tiring and so are ECT treatments. I really struggle with knowing how much sleep is okay. Fibromyalgia makes me very tired as do the things I mentioned above. However, sleeping too much can be a symptom of depression. I printed out a daily schedule so that I can try to keep track of my time. I want to be productive and get as much out of this time that I have by myself. I want to get rested up and rejuvenated but I also have a lot of projects that I would like to get done. I need to develop healthy habits that I can continue when my daughter is home with me full time. I have always struggled with time management t. Now is my chance to try to organize my days and make some headway in organizing my life and house.

I started reading a book by Beth Moore in November 2008. The book is entitled Get Out of That Pit; Strait Talk about God’s Deliverance and it has a companion devotional journal that goes with it. I am going to try to complete both. I have the time right now and I really want to accomplish this goal. I am not very good at finishing books that I have started. I have grand ideas about reading all sorts of books but they often get put aside and are left unfinished. The back of the book says;

It is Beth’s most stirring message yet of the sheer hope, utter deliverance…and complete and glorious freedom of God:

I waited patiently for the Lord
He turned to me and heard my cry
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
Out of the mud and mire;
He set my feet on a rock
And gave me a firm place to stand,
He put a new song in my mouth
A hymn of praise to our God
Psalm 40:1-3

It is a story, a song—a salvation—that you can know too.

So I am going to include my journal entries on this blog. Depression is certainly a pit I have been stuck in for a lot of years and I am so very ready to be out of it. The journal has three sections to write in each day. They are a reflection question, a personal application question and a place for prayers. The prayer section is titled REACHING UP. Beth states on page 2 of The Get Out of That Pit Journal;
“Reaching Up is a place for you to pen your prayers to God. Each day when you arrive at this crucial conclusion picture this metaphor: every time you cry out to God and you agree to cooperate with His great work of deliverance, you are reaching up your hand to grab hold of His strong arm. That beloved, is the way out of the pit. If we could see with spiritual eyes, we’d probably see years of accumulated dirt underneath our fingernails from trying to claw our way out of the pit. Give it up. God is already reaching His hand into that hole.”

GET OUT OF THAT PIT

A 40 – DAY DEVOTIONAL JOURNAL

INTRODUCTION

“Life can be excruciating. Crushing, in fact. The sheer magnitude of our worries can press down on our heads until we unknowingly descend into a pit of despair one inch at a time. Something so horrible can happen that we conclude we’ll never be okay again. We can blow it so badly we think God would just as soon we stayed under the dirt and out of His sight. But, if we’re willing to let truth speak louder than our feelings, and long enough that our feelings finally agree, we can be far more than okay. We can be delivered to a place where the air is crisp, the enemy is whipped, and the view is magnificent.”

--Beth Moore (page 1 of Get Out Of That Pit Journal)

DAY ONE; Come, Follow Me

“From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” –Psalm 61:2

REFLECTION QUESTION; When Christ said, “Come follow me,” there was something inherent in His invitation. What was it?

“Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will make you fishers of men.”—Mark 1:17

When Jesus invites us to “come” follow him he is inviting us to leave where we are. Many of us have become accustomed to living in the pit. We are comfortable there. It is familiar and we like familiar. I think that for a long time I felt like I deserved to be stuck in the pit. I continue to make choices that are not the best for me. But God wants us to live an abundant joy filled life and He wants me to have that now. He wants me to leave the pit of depression, guilt, and insecurity and follow Him onto high ground.

PERSONAL APPLICATION; What hope do the words of Psalm 40 offer you personally in terms of the pit you may be in?

I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire;
He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new son in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.
Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust, who does not look to the proud,
To those who turn aside to false gods.
Many, O lord my god, are the wonders you have done.
The things you planned for us no one can recount to you;
Were I to speak and tell of them they would be too many to declare.
Sacrifice and offering you did not desire, but my ears you have pierced;
Burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not require.
Then I said, “He I am, I have come—it is written about me in the scroll.
I desire to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart.”
Psalm 40:1-8
Do not withhold your mercy from me, O Lord;
May your love and your truth always protect me.
For troubles without number surround me;
My sins have overtaken m, and I cannot see.
They are more than the hairs of my head,
And my heart fails within me.
Be pleased, O Lord, to save me;
O Lord, come quickly to help me.
Psalm 40:11-13

God offers hope in that first of all, He hears my cries. Secondly, He turns to me, and thirdly He helps me. God offers a way out for those of us who are in a pit. I am so thankful that God has heard me crying out to Him. Depression can really hurt. There have been times when I thought the pain was too much but God has always been there. God has comforted me during this very painful period of my life. But now it is time for something new. It is time to leave the depression pit. God wants to help me get out and get out for good. I am ready to be depression free.

I have struggled with depression for so many years. I know that God can help make it better but I usually depend on the doctor rather than God. Depression keeps coming back. I find myself in the same pit over and over again. It scares me to put all my hope in God. What if He chooses not to heal me? Sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve to be healed. But I know and believe with all my heart that God is good and faithful. He will care for me. He will do what is best for me.

REACHING UP (prayers to God)

Lord I see now that in the past when I was depressed I did not want to totally surrender myself t o you. I wanted to be in control. I wanted you to heal me but I wanted it to be done my way. Lord please forgive me for arrogantly assuming that I knew what was best for me. Lord, I give you my heart, my mind, my body, and my every part of me. I choose you. I choose to follow your plan for my life. Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for always being with me and always loving me. I truly have hope right now. Thank you for that hope.

I hope my journey, my battle with depression is inspiring and encouraging to anyone who reads this. I was terrified at first to put my personal thoughts and feelings onto a blog that other people could read. However, one of the worst parts of depression is that we feel like we are all alone. And that is a lie. There are so many of us who struggle with depression. Not only are there many people who understand this struggle but we also have the God of the universe in our corner. We are not alone. You are not alone. So if this blog helps just one person who is feeling hopeless and alone than this blog was totally worth it.