A note to my family and friends; this is a journal of my battle with depression. It is raw, it is real, and it may be hard to read at times. But this is all a part of my healing. It is powerful and therapeutic to have an outlet, and if God can use my heartbreak and struggles, how worth it this will be! If you feel led to walk this journey with me, please do. But please don't pick apart what I have said in the midst of a dark day, and use it against me. This is intended to be a source of processing the dark, while seeking the Light. If you are able to understand that, please join me on this journey back to health. Also note that I have no desire to hurt myself. My truest desire is to simply feel better.


Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Happy/Grateful List continued

26. My future next-store neighbors, my treasured friends who bring my whole family joy, laughter, and good times.
27. My in-laws
28. Powerful praise music that blesses my heart ad I worship God
29. Great music to listen to
30. Hugs

I am really struggling with getting going today. I feel so scattered. There are so many things to do. I made a list last night and even put it into order but I am still having a really hard time. It feels like being productive is going against what is natural. My body really wants to sit and watch TV or sleep. I went for a walk to try to help me get going. It helped a little. I am writing about my thoughts instead of lying in bed so that is good.

I am also very anxious today. I think it is because my house is such a mess and really needs a good deep cleaning. There is so much to do that I just don’t know where to start. It is overwhelming. I have errands I need to run but sometimes when I do that I end up out the whole day and then don’t get anything done at home. I think I need to hire a scheduler and personal motivator who help keep me on task. It is time to try again. I must get focused.
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