Waking up Depressed

I woke up feeling depressed today. I hate it when that happens. I feel like I have so little control. There was this dark heaviness weighing on me. I felt like crying but I did not really know why. I was tired and weary before I ate breakfast. Waking up depressed without a good reason feels miserable. Depression feels miserable with a good reason but even more so when you can’t put a finger on the source of the misery.

I have had a couple of really hard days. I keep trying to snap myself out of it but I am not snapping. So this morning when I woke up feeling depressed I decided to go back to bed. I went back to bed for an hour determined to wake up on the other side of the bed. When I got up I forced a smile and put on some happy music. We read a Bible story as a family which was nice. I then made myself go to church. I really just wanted to crawl back into bed. I feel so weary.

I cried a lot during church. It makes me so sad that I am still struggling with depression. Especially on days like today. Days when I really am trying to fight and I feel knocked down. Yet there are so many people who have truly devastating things going on in their lives. It makes me feel silly for being depressed. My life is really good for the most part. I have Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue which makes my life challenging but not impossible. I don’t really have a good reason for feeling this way.

I have tried really hard to be productive today. Man has that been a challenge. It is like I have been wading through knee high mud. Every task has been so difficult. But I should be proud of myself. I went to church and was social when I felt like hiding. I ate lunch in the sunshine on the porch with V. I made myself read my Bible and  write in my journal. I took the dog for a long walk, picked up the living room, cleaned up after dinner, took V to the park, planted some flowers with V, and gave her a bath. Phew, writing all of that down was exhausting. I should be proud of myself but all I can think of is all the other stuff I need to get done.

I sure hope I feel better tomorrow.