Say No to Stress

We had a difficult morning today. Nate woke me up to help with V because he was running late. V was in a terrible fussy yucky mood. She did not want to go potty, get dressed, brush her teeth or leave. I try not to but I still feel a little bit of guilt about her having to go to childcare. She wants to stay home and if I was healthy she could stay home.

Starting the morning like this is very challenging for me. The day starts out stressful and with me feeling guilty. This is not a good way to start the day. So here I am trying to process what I am feeling. I read my Starting Your Day Right devotional book by Joyce Meyer. She spoke about purposely enlarging my circle of love by trying to love the people who are quite unlovable. That is good advice but not all that applicable to what I am dealing with this morning.

So how about this;

“God I give you these yucky feelings of stress and guilt. I need you right now. Please help me to let go of those feelings and focus on all that today has to offer. Lord I give you my day today. Please help me to use my time productively, to walk in gratitude, to glorify you and bless the people around me. Thank you Lord for hearing my prayers. I pray this in Jesus name, Amen.”

I am also feeling anxious about my daughter’s birthday party. Her birthday is not until June 2. So I really should be listening to the advice God gave me yesterday (it is recorded in yesterdays post). I am have actually been stressing about this silly party a lot. I really want to have a fun party where we invite her friends, our friends and my parents. I strongly believe that birthdays are a cause for celebration! After all the doctor told me that I would most likely NOT be able to have children and behold, we have a miracle daughter.

The problem is that our house is very very small. Having the party in the back yard would be ok but there is NOT enough room inside if there is rain. I have looked into holding it at a park but it is quite costly to rent a pavilion. However the bigger problem is that you can book space at these parks a year in advance so there is nothing available on any of the weekends in June. I also looked into holding the party at Jumping Jax, the zoo or Impressions 5 Science museum. These venues are even more costly. I also don’t think she needs such an extravagant party. She is only turning 3. I don’t want to set a president for parties in the future. Yet it would be so much easier to have the party at one of those three places. They handle much of the set up, will take care of the food if you want them too, and the zoo even provides goody bags. With the way my life is right now these options are so tempting.

I just don’t have the energy to have the party at my house. Cleaning my house to the spick and span status is just too overwhelming. And trying to smush everyone into our little house just doesn’t seem possible. I know that having it at our house would be way to stressful and overwhelming for me to handle. I am aware of my limitations. And Carly struggling with depression cannot handle a birthday party at our house.

I don’t feel comfortable asking a friend to host the party at their house. I would love to ask my dad but he is oversees and will return only a week before V’s birthday. Ugggggggggggg I just don’t know what to do. I need to do something now so I can send out invitations and start planning. If I don’t plan ahead than I am setting myself up for a very stressful week the week of the party.

Well I need to go get to work. We are going to Ohio to visit family this weekend. I have a ton of packing to do. I also need to take Jenny-Dog to the kennel and go take care of my dad’s cat. It is so crazy how quickly our days fill up with “stuff”. I am going to spend time with God first. I NEED His wise counsel, encouragement, and direction for today. I am seriously living one day at a time. I get overwhelmed and anxious whenever I try to think beyond the current day. Each day is a new day. God’s mercies are new every morning. I am grateful for every good day I have. Depression really makes me appreciate all the good days!

Happy/Gratitude list continued
155. The flower beds in front of my house are cleaned out.
156. The front of the house looks so much better!
157. My friend, V and I planted some flowers in pots to sit on our porch.
158. Flowers are beautiful and they make me smile every time I see them.
159. My favorite worship song is playing on the radio right now :).
160. The earth is filled with God’s glory.
161. The joy of the Lord is our strength.
162. I had a really good conversation with my step-mother in-law yesterday. She understands depression as she struggles with it too. I think we were mutually encouraging.
163. It really helps talking to other people who struggle with depression. It is good to know that we are not alone.
164. V and I had a lot of fun playing in the dirt and mud yesterday.
165. God’s grace is sufficient!
166. Journaling was very encouraging and therapeutic yesterday and today.
167. My mom loves me and I love her.
168. The Ohio family can’t wait to see V and she can’t wait to see them.
169. My good friend’s son was given a clean bill of health from the doctor. He had been life-threateningly sick but God has totally healed him. PTL!
170. V seems to be really enjoying her friend Sophia at daycare.
171. My step-brother in-law in adopting a 9 year-old boy and we will get to meet him on Saturday.
172. Praise God that he will have a place to call home and a family that will love him.
173. It is storming outside. I love storms. They remind me of being at summer camp when I was a girl.
174. Today is going to be a great day. I can feel it!
175. Our weekend starts today. Yeah family time!
176. I am feeling really good right now. Being grateful really can transform our mood.
177. I have hope.