My Messy House

Happy/Grateful List continued

106. I got to cuddle my daughter, dog and hubby a lot this weekend.
107. My man takes such good care of me.
108. Nate and I were able to get a lot of “stuff” picked up around the house.
109. I got some great deals on clothes and shoes for V at a Mom 2 Mom sale.
110. My wonderful friend Rebecca watched V on Saturday evening so that Nate and I could go on a date. We ate Tai food and saw the funny movie, “Date Night”.
111. V and I had a great time at the park on Friday.
112. V did well using the potty today!
113. My mom’s husband Tom is going to help us out with V tomorrow.
114. My mom’s cousin’s husband Bob (who is like my Uncle) is going to pick me up from the hospital tomorrow. It is great to have such helpful and supportive family.
115. Today was really challenging but I made it through.
116. I got to watch a feel good movie with Nate while I snuggled on the couch with Jenny-Dog.

Today was very challenging. I was feeling defeated after being awake for only one hour. It feels like I have been overwhelmed since the moment I woke up today. I was having trouble handling simple mommy duties at the very start of the day. We had planned on cleaning today and simply thinking of everything we had to do was giving me great anxiety.

I have some wonderful supportive friends coming over to help clean on Tuesday but that means we need to get our house picked up. So….we needed to work hard today on putting things away. I was very tired after a night of not sleeping well. I was also extremely stressed out about having people come over to my very messy house. We had stuff everywhere. My depression had taken over our home. We just have not had any extra energy to keep things picked up. In fact because I have felt lousy I have been extra lazy about putting things away. Nate has been using all of his energy taking care of V and me.

I was panicking about the house and the fact that I HAD to get it picked up. I felt sick to my stomach about the whole thing. I knew Nate was frustrated that people were coming over and that we HAD to get the place picked up. We both just really wanted to relax and recuperate emotionally today. I was going to cancel but when I got online to email the friends I saw that they had all been chattering about coming to clean. They hired babysitters and were excited to serve me. I felt so silly. I just could not cancel knowing how much these women wanted to help me. And we REALLY need the help.

So I prayed. I begged God to give me emotional, mental and physical strength. I begged Him to help get me moving and to take away my pain so I could work. I begged Him to help me push through the depression. And God was faithful. Thank you Lord for your help. I really needed you and you were there for me. Thank you.

We got much of the house picked up. There is still a lot more to do but today’s efforts were successful. Tomorrow after ECT I have a couple more hours of picking up to do and then the house will be ready to be cleaned. Yes we have not even begun the cleaning process. We have simply put away much of the “stuff”. Actually much of it is not put away rather it has been taken down to our overflowing basement. But at least the upstairs is no longer overflowing with “stuff”. I am quite embarrassed about our basement but there is no way we can get that picked up before Tuesday.

I hate that I cannot keep my house picked up. I feel like I fall so very short. I am not naturally and organized person. Keeping things in order is very challenging for me. Fibromyalgia greatly limits my energy. Depression makes everything hard. So keeping my house cleaned and organized is extremely hard for me. Even when I am feeling motivated and am not depressed I still get very sore doing most household tasks. I am tired most of the time. But I need to do better. I need to do a better job keeping our house clean. I worry that V gets sick due to the messy house. I like being social but I never feel I can have people over because of the mess. I am always embarrassed of our house. And it is tiring being embarrassed all the time.

I need to continue letting people help me. Hopefully with some help from friends who are good at organizing we can get the house under control. I need help with this huge task. However I am hoping that once it picked up, organized and cleaned really well that I can keep it that way. I asked my mom to help me tackle the basement when she retires. I hope she can help me. I really need the help.

Thank you Lord for giving me energy to get work done today. Thank you for being my strength when I had no strength. Thank you for blessing me with friends who want to help me. Thank you for blessing me with a supportive family that wants to help me in any way that they can. Thank you for blessing me with an extremely patient and loving husband. It is really hard for me to need so much help from other people but I am thankful that I have good people to help me.