Keeping it Simple

I am really tired today. That has kind of bummed me out because V was with her grandparents and I wanted to get a lot done. I seem to be having a Fibromyalgia flare up. It has been a while since I have been in this much pain. It really takes a toll on me both mentally and physically. It is quite exhausting to try to function normally while in lots of pain. I ended up taking a 3.5 hour nap. My body really needed it but my ego really needed to cross a lot off my “to do” list. Oh well. I got a few things accomplished and that is so much better than nothing! And I spent some quality time with V when she came home which is what is the most important thing to me.

I want to talk for a moment to those of you who read this blog.

I appreciate you caring about me and wanting to follow how I am doing. Please know that what I write is often very raw. It is often unfiltered emotions that I am trying to process. Writing has been extremely therapeutic for me. I feel much better after I do it. If you have concerns about something I write you are welcome to ask me about it. However I will probably cry and not be able to express myself as well as I do when I write. I do not want any of my loved ones to worry excessively about me because they are reading this blog. Please know that your love and support is all that I need and expect from you.

Unfortunately this is not something anyone can fix for me. I wish you could. I wish I could. But it is not that simple. Depression is complicated and my case is extra complicated due to my Fibromyalgia and sleep problems. Please always know that I am fighting this battle and I am determined to win. I am not nor will I give up or give in. I may have a day or two where I feel defeated but I am in no way surrendering to this disease. Some days are so hard that I need to let go and stop fighting for that particular day. But just for the day. I always begin fighting again the following morning. Thanks waging this battle with me. I appreciate all of you.

I am not really looking forward to the Holidays. I am exhausted just thinking about them. The idea of shopping, wrapping, decorating, cleaning, socializing, traveling and writing Christmas cards is overwhelming to me. I just don’t feel like I have the energy for it all. Bahumbug!

I told Nate that I just wanted to fast forward through it all. Since I cannot do that I need to come up with an action plan. Hmmm….Simplify, Simplify, Simplify. Yes that will be my mantra through this season. I am going to do my best to focus on what these holidays are really all about and not try to do it all (what I feel obligated to do and what I feel others expect me to do).

Thanksgiving is about being thankful. I can do that. I love to focus on what I am grateful for.

Christmas is about the birth of Jesus.

Ok focus on that. We can make (or buy) a birthday cake for Jesus. We will go to church and read the Christmas story out of the Bible. I don’t have to put up lots of decorations to celebrate Jesus. It won’t be the end of the world if I don’t send out Christmas cards this year (even though I really like to do this). I could send an email. I don’t need to get stressed out about buying people the perfect present because I never succeed at that anyway (I don’t mean to sound negative but seriously, no one ever buys everyone the perfect gift). It truly is the thought that counts. And I am not going to stress myself out by trying to stretch our budget by going to all of the crazy crowded overwhelming sales events. It is ok if each person gets one present instead of two.

Deep breath….in…..out…..in…..out…….I can do this. I can make the holidays simple. I can let Nate do the shopping even though he may not buy exactly what I want him to. I can let go of what other people and I expect the Holidays should look like.

The key to all of this will be for me to keep my eyes on God. If I let myself look around at what everyone else is doing I will fail. I cannot compare myself to those around me. Some people are Martha Stewart and I am not even when I am feeling my best! I need to keep my eyes on Jesus. I need to focus on what is best for my family. What is best for them is me being healthy and sane. They don’t need or want a crazy, emotional, depressed, unhealthy, “trying to keep up with the Jones” version of me.

So Christmas……Jesus was born and that is AMAZING! God’s son became a human being and came to live among us. AWESOME! This simple but truly awesome and amazing event is what Christmas is all about. Simple. Yes Simple. Say it again Carly…..simple. Keep things simple.