Written Friday 6-4-10
As I lay in bed this morning trying to wake up fully I thought to myself; “today will be better. I am determined to have a better day. I can do this.” When I finally rolled out of bed and stood up some of my hope was stripped away. My head was throbbing (it still is), I was dizzy and nauseous. I think the symptoms are still side effects of the new medicine. I feel like crap. I just want to go back to bed. No no no no! I need to push through and persevere.
Tomorrow my mom daughter and I are going to Camp Newaygo. I love Camp Newaygo. Camp was my safe haven for eleven summers. So much of who I am was developed and nurtured at camp. Many of my most cherished memories are of Camp, my friends and experiences there. I learned how to love myself while I was at camp.
I am very frustrated. The headache and dizziness are making it impossible for me to write. Journaling usually helps me feel better. I suppose I will have to wait on that.
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A note to my family and friends; this is a journal of my battle with depression. It is raw, it is real, and it may be hard to read at times. But this is all a part of my healing. It is powerful and therapeutic to have an outlet, and if God can use my heartbreak and struggles, how worth it this will be! If you feel led to walk this journey with me, please do. But please don't pick apart what I have said in the midst of a dark day, and use it against me. This is intended to be a source of processing the dark, while seeking the Light. If you are able to understand that, please join me on this journey back to health. Also note that I have no desire to hurt myself. My truest desire is to simply feel better.
A note to my family and friends; this is a journal of my battle with depression. It is raw, it is real, and it may be hard to read at times. But this is all a part of my healing. It is powerful and therapeutic to have an outlet, and if God can use my heartbreak and struggles, how worth it this will be! If you feel led to walk this journey with me, please do. But please don't pick apart what I have said in the midst of a dark day, and use it against me. This is intended to be a source of processing the dark, while seeking the Light. If you are able to understand that, please join me on this journey back to health. Also note that I have no desire to hurt myself. My truest desire is to simply feel better.
- Carly
- I am a 33 year old stay at home mom. I have a very supportive husband. I have been dealing with depression for half my life and have been on medication for 14 years. The meds are no longer working. My diagnosis is major reoccurring treatment resistant depressive disorder. I am desperate to feel better. Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. I believe He is all powerful and mighty but I often don't understand how my depression fits into His plan. I want to have hope but I am feeling hopeless.
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