A note to my family and friends; this is a journal of my battle with depression. It is raw, it is real, and it may be hard to read at times. But this is all a part of my healing. It is powerful and therapeutic to have an outlet, and if God can use my heartbreak and struggles, how worth it this will be! If you feel led to walk this journey with me, please do. But please don't pick apart what I have said in the midst of a dark day, and use it against me. This is intended to be a source of processing the dark, while seeking the Light. If you are able to understand that, please join me on this journey back to health. Also note that I have no desire to hurt myself. My truest desire is to simply feel better.


Wednesday, January 5, 2011

A Place of Hope

Depression is really taking a toll on my family. I am trying so hard to be ok but I am finding myself being irritable, inpatient and raising my voice at V way more than I want to. I feel tired pretty much all the time.


The mornings have been better. I have been really intentional about waking up and praising God. I thank him for the day and commit to following Him and choose to have a good day. I feel energized for a couple hours sometimes. Other mornings I feel “good” for 5 minutes. Ugggg.

By evening I have so little patience for V. I love reading her books but I am almost always too tired to do this at bedtime. That makes me sad.

I have been doing some research on facilities that deal with Depression recovery and treatment. I have found one that I REALLY like. Their whole philosophy is to focus whole person (body, mind and spirit), holistic healing and health. I love that. This whole person approach integrates all aspects of a person’s life.

1. Emotional well-being

2. Physical Health

3. Spiritual peace

4. Relational happiness

5. Intellectual growth

6. Nutritional vitality

Their goal is to deal with the root issue and not slap a band aid on the problem. I would receive help for my emotional eating, insomnia, Fibromyalgia, hormone issues, Depression and Anxiety. The program would include complete medical and nutritional testing and assessments. I would have an assessment and Nutrition plan done by a dietician. As well a fitness assessment by a certified fitness trainer. I would also receive a complete medical work up and exam, blood work, food allergies screening, a hormonal profile, and menu planning by a registered dietician.

Then they do all sorts of group therapy. I would have homework like reading of specific books that deal with my specific problems. I would also meet with doctors and therapists individually. The woman I spoke to emphasized how they personalize the treatment to each patient, that it is not a cookie cutter program. She was very encouraging and hopeful. Actually the nickname for the treatment center is “A Place of Hope.”

This all sounds great right? Yes I would totally love to get healthy and get my life and dreams back. However the program is very costly. I would have to fly to the location which would be an added cost. They are checking my insurance to see how much would be covered. The money is a BIG issue since if our insurance does not cover it would be $20,000. The other big issue is that I would be gone for a month. 4 weeks away from my baby. Four weeks that Nate would have to be a single Dad and others would have to care for Vienna during the day. I don’t know.

I am praying for wisdom.

My friend S said “What is a month in comparison to getting your life back.” True. One month away is nothing if it would mean years of health and happiness. I don’t know. I am kind of excited but also not so sure. I don’t want to get my hopes up and then not be able to go.

The website is www.aplaceofhope.com

Please check it out and let me know what you think?
Posted by at 3 comments:
Subscribe to: Comments (Atom)